In St. Paul, fans are looking for Lindsay LohanOoh! Lindsey Lohan is in town! Who cares. Next.
Day 11 of shit diet. 3 meals left. Anne is coming to town tonight and I am so excited to see her. We are going to Duluth this weekend and hopefully the morons in the government can keep the State Parks open so I can show her around. Well back to work.
-pete
4 meals to go. Sweet Jebus, 4 meals and tonight's shouldn't be to bad. I am going to grill up a little chicken if this rain ever stops. If that can't happen I will be cooking them in some olive oil on the stove. Damn olive oil and stove. They love to burn me. Lunch was fine today, no meat just eggs. I got lazy last night and forgot to cook up some chicken for lunch and well it was still pretty frozen this AM so I went with the eggs. 2 chicken breasts for me tonight. mmmm...hopefully they don't taste like shit.
Well back to work for me. -pete
I had my lunch today and mmmm it was crap. Only 7 meals left to go and I am a free man. I am going to SoHo Cafe in Uptown for a slice of pizza and next door with Anne for some cheesecake after this is all over. mmm....pizza.
-pete
So I am on my juice fast today. I don't like how the unsweetened cranberry juice tastes but I get to add Stevia(sweetener made from roots or something) and the Stevia rocks. I drink 8oz water one hour and then 8oz of juice the next hour. I am pretty sick of it already. I feel really good though. I am not hungry like I thought I would be and am definitely not thirsty. Well back to work for me.
-pete
This was a comment on the fark message board. Very nice.
We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you ! get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of! the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford and Cal Tech.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62! percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then us lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California.
Funny as hell...
Hope you enjoyed.
-pete
Life Time Fitness Liver Detox
This is the article that I read that started us off on the liver detox. Day 7 and feeling good. Well off to the good food store.
-pete
:singing like meow mix: I hate celery, I hate spinich, I hate carrots more than ever. Someone shoot me, please deliver. Hate, hate, hate! Well I am sure I messed it up but you get the point. I am sick of this veggie crap all day. Even the chicken is getting old. Blogger hates me for some reason and keeps messing up my formatting here. F'ers. I am thinking about getting some salmon tonight and grilling that. mmm...something different.
Back to work.
UPDATE: Fixed the formatting. I don't know how it got hosed up but fixed now...I think...
-pete
Blogger decided to eat some of my posts and make everything frickin' huge. Working on fixing. For now you can take your glasses off to read my site.
UPDATE: Fixed, I think...
-pete
I don't know if you see the same ads I do but they are for colon cleansing. All you need for that is Phil Hartman's Colon Blow cereal.
Day 4 of this hell and it is getting better. I am still not looking forward to lunch but eh, what you going to do. After lunch today I am 1/2 way through Phase 1. Phase 1 is the longest Phase @ 7 days. Then the 1 day juice and water fast(Phase 2). Phase 3 is similar to Phase 1 but you add yogurt(plain) and Hydrochloric acid tablets with Pepin and Ox Bile Extract and something else. What a treat! I CAN'T WAIT FOR PIZZA AND BEER.
Feelin' fine-
pete
I have been tweaking my lunch over the last few days to try to make it tolerable. Today it was -asparagus and +celery. Tasted much better. I still would like to have something like China Buffet or well any fast food. Feeling better today, felt like shit last night after all this crappy food. Only 22 more meals to go! yes! I did my adding wrong and forgot to subtract the 1 day juice and water only day. That is like the best thing that has happened all day. 3 less shit meals. Well back to work.. Still hate everything edible that is green.
-pete
If you have known me some of my life you know my aversion to rabbit food. In the last few years I have started to like some vegetables more and more. This has ended and I now hate anything green that is possibly edible. I saw a leaf on the floor of the elevator today and all I could think about is that is what my lunch looks like.
Lunch is finished, 28 more meals to go. F. Bye.
-p
So I read this article in the Lifetime magazine a while back and it talks about this Liver Detox thing. So Anne and I decide to try it. You eat all this shit that is good for you and it cleans out the toxins in your system.
My breakfast consisted of an orange. Not bad at all. One meal down, 32 to go. Lunch is a different story. I made a "salad" from raw parsley(shit), asparagus(shit), raw carrots(taste like heaven compared to the parsley and asparagus) and chicken I made last night on the stove in olive oil. The chicken is good but while cooking it last night I managed to give myself oil burns on most of my chest. NOTE TO SELF: Wear a t-shirt when cooking chicken you redneck. Anyway done with shitmeal #2, 31 to go.
I also have to drink 3.25L of water a day. For you Standard folks that is 13.7369467 8oz cups. For dinner I get chicken with a tablespoon of garlic and an apple and more water I think. I can't wait for day 12 when I can have a beer and pollute my liver again.
-pete
26. Wow. I am getting old. I will be fly fishing in Montana from June 2nd through the 5th. And boy am I excited. Now that Northwest is getting rid of their Spinzels and magizines I don't know what I am going to do on the flight. Oh, wait, I guess I will have to wait the 3 hours to get something to eat or just bring a granola bar. And the magazines? I don't know what I am going to do without Newsweek and Harvard Business Review...oh, yeah, I didn't even know they offered that. I hope they never get rid of SkyMall or World Traveler then all I would have is the how not to die guide and the barf bag. Thanks NWA! I am sure that will save you one tank of jet fuel per year on the 747-400.
Well back to packing. Later folks.
